10 Tips to a Stress Free Holiday

“The stress-free way to enjoy the holidays is to plan, take one step at a time, and have a sense of humor." Beth Tabak

Can you feel the holiday jitters beginning? Suddenly there it is right around the corner. Relax! Take time to plan well now and ease into the holidays with a big smile. Grab a journal and pen, and let’s getstarted.

1. Reminisce over previous holidays- In your journal create a column for What Works and another for Not That Again. Under What Works list the activities that bring you joy, come naturally, and click into place. Under Not That Again list your challenges. Jot down the things that drain your energy and bring you down. What can you do to delegate, dump, or change the items in the Not That Again column and embrace more of the activities in the What Works column? What changes need to be made?
   
   
2. Choose a theme you can be excited about- What is important to you this holiday? Base your theme on that. If you want to stay home instead of traveling your theme could be “Home for the Holidays". If your budget is tight consider “Simply Sensational". Your theme helps you stay focused. A theme that honors your spirituality could be 'Faith and Family First'. Or choose a favorite quote such as Mahatma Gandhi's “Be the Change You Wish to See in the World". Get creative, have fun, and write it down.
   
   
3. Set your top 4 priorities- Base them on what you really want which should connect with your theme. Get crystal clear. Write them down. When you know your priorities you are able to respond easily to a request and set boundaries. When someone asks you to get involved request 24 hours to respond. Look at your priorities and see if it serves them. If it does, consider it. If not, the answer is likely no.
   
   
4. Create a Map- What if you took a big trip without planning? You would likely get lost, waste time, and experience anxiety. It makes sense to plan at the holidays when so many areas of our lives are effected: time, energy, personal care, relationships, physical environment, and finances. Consider creating a task list thru the end of the year. It takes a block of time but will save you time and stress. It will rescue you from running in circles, going back and forth to the same place, and trying to remember what’s next. In the past I've had hundreds of items on my task list. No wonder we get stressed when we attempt this in our heads. Here's a tool to help.
   
   Create your own task list. On your computer create a chart with 4 columns. Use your theme for the header. Under your theme list your priorities horizontally. Label the columns in a way that is helpful to you. I use Business, Personal, Holiday, and Need List. Use small font and minimal margin space to fit as many rows as possible. Print your map. List your tasks and add on as they come to you. Keep your map with you at all times. Schedule time to carry out the tasks. Have fun and build momentum as you make progress. Remember to save it for next year.
   
   
5. Simplify- Every task must be handled. You can do it, delegate it, or dump it. Eliminate what does not serve your priorities. What can you get help on and delegate? This is a good time to get rid of those items on your Not That Again list. Hire someone to decorate or a housekeeper for the month. Have everyone bring a dish instead of you doing it yourself. Get your family involved and remember that things don't have to be perfect. Let go. This will give you the space to embrace what you truly enjoy.
   
   
6. Set a budget- Develop a budget that feels good. There are lots of ways to make a holiday special without adding stress to your budget. Show people they are appreciated. Plan family fun and activities. You can let someone know what is special about them in a card, letter, cassette, or video. Get creative. Every year I have one gift for the kids to find. I wrap empty boxes inside each other. When they open the last box there is a clue telling them the next step. Don't let a tight budget steal your joy. Make it fun!
   
   
7. Set boundaries- Decide now what you will not tolerate. Write it down. Remember your Not That Again list? Is there someone who ropes you into things you don't want to do? Have the conversation that's overdue. No is no. If someone keeps asking after you said no, they are attempting to control you. Setting boundaries is about educating people on how they can treat you. Is there someone you need to educate?
   
   
8. Schedule time for planning and yourself- When is a good time to update your plan? When can you take time for you? Put it on your calendar each week thru the end of the year. Keep the appointments. Add this line to your daytimer as a reminder: 'I have an appointment in honor of myself this ______(day) at __:__ (time) to do something special for me because I sooooooo deserve it!'
   
   
9. Give in a way that gives you joy vs. obligation- When you give in a way that comes naturally to you, you stay in integrity with who you are. Therefore, you are able to share your own special gifts with others. When you are doing what you love life clicks. If there is a situation you are dreading, think about how you can tweak it and handle it in a way that would bring you more joy.
   
   
10. Take action now- Begin today so that you are tying up your last bows well before the pitter patter of hoofs on the rooftop. Keep your holiday journal and map close at hand. The sooner you complete your tasks, the sooner you can sit back, smile, and enjoy the season!

What I want for you is to take action to move one step forward to prepare for the holidays...Starting Now!

How to Pick Up a Girl

You see her across the room. Ah, so attractive. But nobody to introduce her to you. 'Ah, I'll do a James Bond on her,' you think. Now what was Bond's first words to Pussy Galore? 'I must be dreaming.' No, that won't work. How about singing 'Underneath the Mango Tree' to her as Bond did to Honey Rider in 'Dr. No'. Ah? No! Well, what's left? You'll just have to go up and talk to her, if it's a situation where you won't see her again. But it's always safe to assume that she has a boyfriend that can squeeze the stuffings out of a gold ball. That aside, take a chance and make polite conversation. What's the worst that can happen. She says, 'I'm sorry, I'm not available.' and you save the time and money of a date with her. Like George Burns says, 'When a beautiful woman says 'no' to me, it's a relief.

If you know that you will see her again, like at your university, your job, or working at a restaurant, you can have another shot at her and use the shy man's approach to getting a date.

'You farm boys don'ts make a pitch, you just shy your way into position,' Ann Margaret says to Pat Boone in 'State Fair'.

Okay, here it is. Instead of asking her to dinner or out on a date which has romance intended, get some tickets to a concert or event first, and then with tickets in hand say, 'I just happened to have tickets to this event. If you'd like to go with me, I'd be happy to take you.' This way the subject is the event. Talk about the person singing at the concert, instead of if the two of you could hit it off or not. She can easily say yes or no, or ask more questions about you or the time and place of the event. She doesn't have the pressure of turning you down, so she can just turn the event down and that will be that. And if by chance she can't make that date, but is interested in you, she can start talking about going out another time.

I've strongly suggested this 'ticket' technique to both men and women who are infatuated with someone at work, or at shop, or restaurant, and have no idea how to make an approach. If the person is available, they usually say yes to an invitation. After all, it's just going to an event. It's not really a date.

I used this 'ticket' technique in college to ask out a beautiful stranger. I was very shy, but was 'in love' from a distance so I had to take some kind of scary attraction. Her name was Cindy and I often saw her in the student lounge surrounded by guys. It took weeks of watching her before I could catch her walking alone, and ask her if she'd like to go see the reserved seat Cinerama showing of 'Grand Prix'. She said, 'Well, I don't know you, but if you come and talk to me sometimes and I get to know you, then maybe.'

So in the next days I made an attempts at getting in a few words with her as she talked with her friends. Then I found out she was taking the film appreciation class that I had taken a semester earlier. So I pushed the teacher to show my new 16mm action film in the class that she was in. He fiqured I had a secret motive because he said he'd show it in the morning class, but I said it had to be shown in the afternoon class (the one Cindy was in). Finally, he agreed.

I not only directed the film, but had a part in it where I used my newly learned karate and hoped she would be impressed. The film went over great with the class cheering and applauding. As she was leaving the class I said to her, 'Well, do you know me well enough now?' She said, 'To go out with you? I replied, 'Yes.' She smilled and nodded her head yes. So don't 'ask her out'. Don't 'take her to dinner'. Get some tickets, and maybe she'll answer you like Cameron Diaz does in 'Charlie's Angels'. 'Tickets? I love tickets!'

Difference Styles in Leadership

Professor Bhiku Pareskh, from the Centre for the Study of Democracy at the University of Westminster once said:

Diversity is a fact of modern life. It is an unavoidable fact of life because not all differences can be rationally and conclusively resolve. It is also an important source of moral, economic and social energy. It brings together different ways of looking at life and therefore enables us to learn from others and deepen our insights into human life.

Coming from a country where there is a population of 1.5 million, from Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Shango and all the mixes in between with as many permutations of ethnicity possible, I must admit, diversity was a hard concept for me to grasp! I had to ask- what is diversity? This reminds me of filling out the boxes at the end of an enrolment form as I always wonder why there is not a box for those who have to figure out whether they are BC, BA, AB, who simply identify themselves as H for human!

So when did this term become so popular? The simple answer for me sometime when economics began to make it viable. Cynical? Well, perhaps a little. After all there have been government mandates on Equal Opportunities, quotas and the like. And why has the business sector embraced diversity? One could delve into recent research showing that 80% of 140 UK organisations view the development of diversity as a key contributor to their overall business success. Direct benefits include better recruitment, improved understanding of markets and communities, increased retention, enhanced reputation to cite a few.
Organisations in the voluntary and public sectors may be more focussed on fairness and justice as motivating factors for embracing diversity, consistent with their beliefs and values.
Whichever way organisations and companies broach the subject, simply having policies in place is not sufficient to ensure successful implementation. It is indeed, the depth of integration into any strategy that produces success.

So how does Leadership fit into the diversity agenda?

Leadership is quite simply critical in taking forward the diversity agenda. Leaders need to know how to manage and create culture, along with setting strategy for the future that incorporates a diverse workforce for the benefits of individuals and the organisations key objectives. To have positive performance outcomes of diversity in Leadership, one needs leaders who:
Are skilled in communicating with and coordinating among members of diverse teams
Are good at dealing with group process issues ie. Problem solving and communicating without prejudice
Can build on teams creativity and innovation, even if it does not look like anything to which we are traditionally accustomed.

To gain value from diversity in leadership requires a sustained, systematic approach and long-term commitment. Success is further facilitated by a perspective that considers diversity to be an opportunity for everyone: an opportunity to learn from each other how better to accomplish great achievements.